I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
