she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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