I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
