I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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