He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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