I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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