Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
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