My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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