after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
