Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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