I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
