proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
