You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
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