she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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