Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
