after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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