..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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