so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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