apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize