At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize