My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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