I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Randomize
