Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
