She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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