Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
