guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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