Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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