508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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