i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize