So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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