You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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