sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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