Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
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i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
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