it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
