sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize