I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Randomize
