I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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