the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
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