wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
