Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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