My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
he puts the penis in happiness.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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