Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
