I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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