i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
