your room smells of hookers.
And success
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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