the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
