yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
