I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
