She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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