she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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