i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
