i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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