if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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