College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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