I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
