if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
