So drunk its hurt
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
You had me at "let me see your balls"
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
