i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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