I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
